Babysitting

I babysat a 2-yr-old today and it made me realize that I am not cut out for multiple babies at a time...and I do not want girls. Her mommy told me that I have a beautiful body and it was the nicest thing I have heard from another woman in a long time. I must have gained 10 lbs during Thanksgiving. We had 4-5 dinners with all the trimmings. I didn't think I could get bigger.

My sister-in-law has a 6 pack and is a total exercise enthusiast. She has her own youtube channel and runs a fitness class that she ALWAYS invites me to. I'm at the point where I don't want to workout with other people, especially not fit people. I can push myself, but when my full effort is barely in the beginner section, it's humiliating. I don't know how to tell her that I just don't want to humiliate myself, I just end up making excuses. It kind of makes me feel worse about myself too because it seems like she invites me to do it WAYY too much, like she is trying to tell me something. When I know I can keep up and not be the least fit in the class, that is when I will feel comfortable. I know it's stupid, but I'm the kind of person that gets fit in levels and being fit enough to join a class or go to the gym is when I'm pretty damn fit. I'm definitely not there yet.

I read about something called Seasonal Affective Syndrome today. I had never heard of it, but it makes soo much sense and I think I have it. Ever since fall gloom set in, I don't want to go outside, I don't want to work out, and I'm just gloomy all of the time.